Games in the skate franchise were seriously one of the most innovative games out there, if you think I’m wrong, buddy, go fuck yourself.

In 2007, a full 8 years after Tony Hawk Pro Skater came out, Skate appeared telling everyone they were making skate video games wrong, it was true.

[The gameplay]

The controls is the whole gimmick and what makes skate truly very really good.
The game controls as such: You flick the analog sticks to flick the skate, to be honest, i never thought about if you’re controlling the feet of the skater or the ends of the skateboard, this game really makes you feel like skmateboard, you get me? You do. You do get me. 

It’s way different from Tony Hawk Pro Skater, those games feel very platform-y, like you’re just pressing buttons and your character does stuff, it’s fun sometimes, but it really doesn’t have any kind of skill curve, it doesn’t feel like you’re riding a skateboard, it feels like you’re playing Tony Hawk. 

Skate 3 made me want to buy a skateboard, fully confident that I would be able to do tricks on it with pure gamer power.

The game is really forgiving if you want to do simple tricklines, but if you want to do TRULY GNARLY STUFF you’ll have to put in the work, i, personally? Just love to do darkslides. Man, you’re riding the skateboard the wrong way around, what more could a girl need?

The physics are not at all realistic, which is wonderful, actually, it rules. Torture the game, try to break it as much as you can, build speed to fly from one area of the map to the other with your skate, your board is not a mere toy, nor is it an extension of you, your board is what makes you able to bend reality at will, it will destroy you and save you all at once.

[Character creation]

I love creating characters in video-games, that said, the character customization sucks in here, everyone looks like a weird fucked up mannequin, and there really aren’t that much face and hair customization options, which is a shame, because the clothes are really cool, and it’d be great if you could make your character look like an ugly weird guy, or maybe have a skull for a face, or maybe wear a balaclava, you have the 3d model for it, EA Black Box, please!

I don’t know, dude, THUG2 got this figured out years ago, get it together! Like, for example, I had a character that was supposed to be a cowboy and he just kind of looked like a sad middle-aged man who was into weird clothes. I just told myself he was awful at dressing like a cowboy.

[The storyline]

You’re not playing skate 3 for the fucking story, okay? Don’t come to me pretending you do! Anyway, the campaign is pretty good at testing your skills, it’s a good training ground if you’re planning to play it like a sandbox, and it’s good if you just want to play some maps and then leave, I think this game is prolly really fun with friends, but I wouldn’t know anything about that...

[The graphics]

Oh, they’re bad, they’re terrible, and the aesthetic? Not so striking either, skate 2 had bad graphics as well, but it had style, it had direction, and it knew what it wanted from you, but skate 3 is weird, it’s like, a little too generic, it should be dirtier, grungier! 

I know most people make fun of yellow filter xbox 360 era of games, but it actually would suit the atmosphere of this game, Last time I checked, skateboarding was a sport where you got your teeth knocked out on concrete! This cleanliness makes it looks a little unfinished (because it literally is, haha, the game was rushed to meet a deadline, sadly).

It has a charm to its shittyness, though, it’s like the game knows you’re not here to get your mind blown, it’s here to chill out with our cocks out, don’t stress it out, dude! I respect that, it does what it has to do.

[The Soundtrack]

I play games with sound off, and usually put music or a podcast in the background, this is not the case for this video game, the soundtrack is masterfully put together, it has animal collective in it. Play it with sound on, please.

[15 MIN SCORE]

It’s a good game, I imagine it’s good to play while getting baked, sadly for me, weed is not legal where I live, but people tell me I already act like i’m baked 24/7, so if i liked it, you’ll like it high as much as i did sober, which is to say a lot.

Don’t just play it like it’s a game, play it like you own a skate, take cool photos, record cool videos, you’ll enjoy it.

15 MIN RATING:

Skate 3 is like a tender kiss from a beautiful emo woman who has a foul smell from not showering in 15 days, she will minutes later laugh about having kissed you, and you two will never date, but you will think about this moment for years